All week long I have had the song fifty nifty United States running through my head. Kat had to learn the fifty states and where they go on a map so I thought that I would teach her that song to learn all the state names as a start. It's funny because I hadn't sung that song since about first grade but I still remembered about a fourth of it and listening to it with her over and over again on utube was actually kind of fun. In the end, she only learned up through Iowa because the time constraint forced us to just memorize that placement of the states on the map (I say we because I have to admit that I didn't temember where the states all go on a map!) but I like to tell myself that the song at least helped by getting her familiar with the state names - this is how I justify the time spent on it ;). I've decided that I have a love-hate relationship with Homework and Kat: I really do love doing homework with her when she is pleasant because it is quality time that I get to spend with her but when she is unpleasant it can be missory (this is actually how Kat spells Missouri - funny!). Luckily this week she was mostly pleasant when it came to studying the states so that made for a pretty good week.
Kat currently has one A, three A-'s, one B, one C in science and an F in history. I'm actually pretty happy with that because if she did well on her state test then she may bring that history grade up and not have any F's. That will be a first for literally a year!
I've been singing the fifty nifty song to Tony. He has his ABC song mastered so I thought it would be cute for him to learn that song. That kid really has a nack for singing. He actually sings the tune of a song which I don't see too often for older kids, let alone kids his age. When I sing the fifty nifty song he just looks at me with apt attention like I'm saying the most important thing in the world;). Tony has been mama's boy this week. It has been really hard when I've had to drop him off at my mom's house or leave him with my live in sister-in-laws Kim or Monica because he cries. It is usual for him to claim every morning that he is going to work with me and to cry when I leave him with Kim (and sometimes Monica) but it was a rarity for him to cry at my mom's house. I know it makes her feel bad and it makes me feel sad that I didn't have the foresight to buy a cheaper house so I could work less and spend more time with the kids that I didn't know i was going to have. Huh...I guess it's just one of those huge bummers in life.
I went scrapbooking on Friday evening and Saturday. I have been working on a storybook of Kat's first year (for about a year, actually). I was going to give it to her for Christmas but I decided that as soon as I get it done - it is so close to being done! - I will give it to her so that it doesn't get lost in the sea of gifts that we call Christmas. I was debating on whether I should list out the cost of the adoption. I really want her to know how much it cost and what a sacrifice that was but would that be tacky and self-serving?
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Week of Sunday, November 27th
We survived Thanksgiving and the 30+ people in my house. I've almost gotten my kitchen back to normal and am sitting here thinking about how unproductive I have been this weekend. I did not start to potty train Tony, it took me two days to find the motivation to clean the kitchen and I spent the majority of the day yesterday reading a book (The Help). Sigh. We did finish most of our Christmas shopping and have a stack of wrapped presents sitting in our bedroom to prove it (figured they wouldn't be able to peek on them this way). But now my "to do" list for the day includes doing the bills to figure out how to pay for it. Sigh.
I'm having a hard time with Christmas this year, particularly with Katya. Alex took her Black Friday shopping with him and said that in the course of the conversation Katya brought up all the things she got last year that she didn't like. I'm afraid that if she says this to me that I will take that stack of presents in our room for her down to the community center and donate them to a kid that would really appreciate them. No kidding. I'm actually very sad because I think about how she came from having nothing to having way too much stuff that she has no value for and I know this is our fault. We turned her into a typical American kid that thinks they are entitled rather than privileged. So, here I sit trying to think of a way that I can remind her how lucky she is. I am toying with the idea of making her earn $20 to buy a present for a kid on the giving tree. I could tell her that we are all going to buy one present. But, is there something wrong with forcing someone to do charity? My next idea is to find a service activity to involve her in that lets her see that there are actually kids out there in this country that live like people in the Ukraine - kids that don't have nice clothes or cell phones or iPods (that they ultimately loose because they think they will just get another one) or food. I think I will look online to see if we can go and volunteer at the food bank or the homeless shelter.
On a lighter note, Tony was sure fun to buy for! In fact, he has so many presents that we keep having to come up with more for Katya so that they have an equal number of presents under the tree.
Katya:
Katya had a major learning opportunity this week (at least I hope that she learned something from it). It all started last Thursday. Katya went to Classic Skating with her friend, Shelly. Alex didn't like Shelly already and will usually come up with any excuse possible to make it so Katya doesn't hang out with her. Her house is too far to walk to after school, we are busy doing something else that night, don't you want to do this to tonight? We are smart enough to know that the minute we say that we don't like her that she will become Katya's instant best friend. So we try to be very delicate but when Katya asked if she could go to Classic Skating with her for Shelly's birthday and that Shelly's dad was going to take the and pick them up, I said yes. Alex would have come up with an excuse and in retrospect I wish that I had too. If you are going to read on I need you to be able swear this next part to secrecy even upon torture and imminent death! (If you aren't willing to accept these terms then please don't read on). Katya is using Alex's old iPhone. The iPhone has this really cool feature where you can use the GPS to look and see where the phone user is. Alex, considering Katya's current company, decided to check and see if she really was where she was supposed to be. You can probably guess that when he pulled up her coordinates, she was very close to the Classic Skating but not in Classic Skating and her location peg was moving very slowly suggesting that she was walking around outside. He grabs his car keys to go and find her and I get a phone call about twenty minutes later. "Guess what I found at the abandoned Lowe's parking lot in front of Classic Skating?" he says. Alex and I are for the most part pretty laid back parents and take things in stride because what's done is done and can't really be changed so I calmly reply, "What?". "Two cop cars, six kids - four of which were in handcuffs.". Of course Katya was one of those six kids (luckily one not in handcuffs). The scoop as Alex knew it at the time after a brief talk with one of the cops was that there had been a call about a fight at Classic Skating and that these kids were being questioned. The cop asked Alex how he knew his daughter was there and seemed to be impressed by the answer and the fact that he came looking for her. Alex told the cop that he would prefer that Katya not know about the paren't-friendly feature of the iPhone to which the cop agreed (apparently when Katya asked how the cop knew her dad, the cop replied, "We have our ways."). It turns out, after a confession by Katya in response to a very firm "you tell the cops the truth the first time they ask" from Alex, that the incident occurred as follows:
Katya and the two girl friends that she is with decide that it is a good idea to leave the classic skating with three guys they don't know (cringe) and walk around a deserted parking lot (cringe). They apparently had nothing to do with the fight but when they saw the cops they ran (cringe). The cops caught up to them and Shelly had a Chinese star in her bra (which is weapon, hence the handcuffs) and the three boys had knives (cringe cringe!). Alex is really good at giving long-winded lectures so I am actually really glad that he had a fifteen minute radio-less car ride to just let her have it. He did an excellent job of telling her about all the things that could have happened, such as her getting assaulted (or killed) by a boy with a knife or her getting shot by a cop because she ran. I have now decided that I too don't like Shelly and despite the gravity of the situation, I still find it slightly humorous and really do hope that Katya learned something from it. Sigh.
Tony:
Two year olds say they funniest things. I have the worst memory, though, so something that is so funny that you think you will remember it forever I or course don't remember. So I am writing down the ones I can remember right now.
Tony is obsessed with super heros. His favorites are Batman and Superman but he has a plethora of superhero names in his vocabulary. He has started asking us to take his shirt off and run around the house and pretend he is the incredible hulk, which is pretty funny to watch him flex his little muscles. The other day my mom took him to Arctic Circle. He was playing with another little boy and the little boy asks him what his name is. Tony replied, seriously of course, "Tony the hulk". My mom said that the boy just gave Tony this blank stare. Apparently he isn't a superhero fan.
Tony likes to play the Xbox kinect with Alex. It sucks because on some of the games be ause he is so short, the game thinks he is kneeling. But on this particular day Alex and him were playing a demo of Once Upon A Monster. It has this game where there are bunnies in the shower and then it gives you this monster shape that you are supposed to arrange your body parts to make. Alex complained about being sore after playing it because you have to crouch down and hold the position for a while.Tony told me later that night, after I asked him what he was going to dream about, that he was going to dream about bunnies in the shower and monsters. (hopefully that worked out for him). This particular day, I was sitting on the couch watching them and Alex was having a hard time getting the game to respond to him. He is standing there waving his arms and says, "what the hell!" and there is Tony standing next to him, also waving his arms, with a "what the hell!" to go right along with Alex's. How can you not laugh? (and then just ignore it so that Tony doesn't think, it is something he should say again).
I'm having a hard time with Christmas this year, particularly with Katya. Alex took her Black Friday shopping with him and said that in the course of the conversation Katya brought up all the things she got last year that she didn't like. I'm afraid that if she says this to me that I will take that stack of presents in our room for her down to the community center and donate them to a kid that would really appreciate them. No kidding. I'm actually very sad because I think about how she came from having nothing to having way too much stuff that she has no value for and I know this is our fault. We turned her into a typical American kid that thinks they are entitled rather than privileged. So, here I sit trying to think of a way that I can remind her how lucky she is. I am toying with the idea of making her earn $20 to buy a present for a kid on the giving tree. I could tell her that we are all going to buy one present. But, is there something wrong with forcing someone to do charity? My next idea is to find a service activity to involve her in that lets her see that there are actually kids out there in this country that live like people in the Ukraine - kids that don't have nice clothes or cell phones or iPods (that they ultimately loose because they think they will just get another one) or food. I think I will look online to see if we can go and volunteer at the food bank or the homeless shelter.
On a lighter note, Tony was sure fun to buy for! In fact, he has so many presents that we keep having to come up with more for Katya so that they have an equal number of presents under the tree.
Katya:
Katya had a major learning opportunity this week (at least I hope that she learned something from it). It all started last Thursday. Katya went to Classic Skating with her friend, Shelly. Alex didn't like Shelly already and will usually come up with any excuse possible to make it so Katya doesn't hang out with her. Her house is too far to walk to after school, we are busy doing something else that night, don't you want to do this to tonight? We are smart enough to know that the minute we say that we don't like her that she will become Katya's instant best friend. So we try to be very delicate but when Katya asked if she could go to Classic Skating with her for Shelly's birthday and that Shelly's dad was going to take the and pick them up, I said yes. Alex would have come up with an excuse and in retrospect I wish that I had too. If you are going to read on I need you to be able swear this next part to secrecy even upon torture and imminent death! (If you aren't willing to accept these terms then please don't read on). Katya is using Alex's old iPhone. The iPhone has this really cool feature where you can use the GPS to look and see where the phone user is. Alex, considering Katya's current company, decided to check and see if she really was where she was supposed to be. You can probably guess that when he pulled up her coordinates, she was very close to the Classic Skating but not in Classic Skating and her location peg was moving very slowly suggesting that she was walking around outside. He grabs his car keys to go and find her and I get a phone call about twenty minutes later. "Guess what I found at the abandoned Lowe's parking lot in front of Classic Skating?" he says. Alex and I are for the most part pretty laid back parents and take things in stride because what's done is done and can't really be changed so I calmly reply, "What?". "Two cop cars, six kids - four of which were in handcuffs.". Of course Katya was one of those six kids (luckily one not in handcuffs). The scoop as Alex knew it at the time after a brief talk with one of the cops was that there had been a call about a fight at Classic Skating and that these kids were being questioned. The cop asked Alex how he knew his daughter was there and seemed to be impressed by the answer and the fact that he came looking for her. Alex told the cop that he would prefer that Katya not know about the paren't-friendly feature of the iPhone to which the cop agreed (apparently when Katya asked how the cop knew her dad, the cop replied, "We have our ways."). It turns out, after a confession by Katya in response to a very firm "you tell the cops the truth the first time they ask" from Alex, that the incident occurred as follows:
Katya and the two girl friends that she is with decide that it is a good idea to leave the classic skating with three guys they don't know (cringe) and walk around a deserted parking lot (cringe). They apparently had nothing to do with the fight but when they saw the cops they ran (cringe). The cops caught up to them and Shelly had a Chinese star in her bra (which is weapon, hence the handcuffs) and the three boys had knives (cringe cringe!). Alex is really good at giving long-winded lectures so I am actually really glad that he had a fifteen minute radio-less car ride to just let her have it. He did an excellent job of telling her about all the things that could have happened, such as her getting assaulted (or killed) by a boy with a knife or her getting shot by a cop because she ran. I have now decided that I too don't like Shelly and despite the gravity of the situation, I still find it slightly humorous and really do hope that Katya learned something from it. Sigh.
Tony:
Two year olds say they funniest things. I have the worst memory, though, so something that is so funny that you think you will remember it forever I or course don't remember. So I am writing down the ones I can remember right now.
Tony is obsessed with super heros. His favorites are Batman and Superman but he has a plethora of superhero names in his vocabulary. He has started asking us to take his shirt off and run around the house and pretend he is the incredible hulk, which is pretty funny to watch him flex his little muscles. The other day my mom took him to Arctic Circle. He was playing with another little boy and the little boy asks him what his name is. Tony replied, seriously of course, "Tony the hulk". My mom said that the boy just gave Tony this blank stare. Apparently he isn't a superhero fan.
Tony likes to play the Xbox kinect with Alex. It sucks because on some of the games be ause he is so short, the game thinks he is kneeling. But on this particular day Alex and him were playing a demo of Once Upon A Monster. It has this game where there are bunnies in the shower and then it gives you this monster shape that you are supposed to arrange your body parts to make. Alex complained about being sore after playing it because you have to crouch down and hold the position for a while.Tony told me later that night, after I asked him what he was going to dream about, that he was going to dream about bunnies in the shower and monsters. (hopefully that worked out for him). This particular day, I was sitting on the couch watching them and Alex was having a hard time getting the game to respond to him. He is standing there waving his arms and says, "what the hell!" and there is Tony standing next to him, also waving his arms, with a "what the hell!" to go right along with Alex's. How can you not laugh? (and then just ignore it so that Tony doesn't think, it is something he should say again).
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Week of Sunday, November 20th
Katya update:
All this week I have been working out a life lesson for Katya that can be tied to her grades. I had a discussion with her about college last Sunday, over a treat of Jamba Juice after her haircut, about the importance of college. She claimed that her plan was to work for a year to get the money to pay for college. I laughed and told her that the kind of job that she could get after high school without a college degree would not earn her enough money to pay for college. I said that we would probably help her pay for some, depending on where she went, but that she would probably just need to get student loans like I did. She acted like she seemed to see the need for college, but you never know...and she still has horrible grades. I took her to school one morning this week, after a very frustrating night of helping her complete a review sheet for a math test the next day that she "forgot" about until I looked at her sheet that the teachers sign So, my life lesson plan is as follows:
A's and B's and chores done without asking: This is the equivalent of her going to college, getting a good paying job and actually working hard. For this she would have the following privileges:
No limits on TV and video games
Cell phone
Hang out with friends
Go out to dinner or a movie once a week with a friend
C's and chores done without asking: This is the equivalent of her going to college but either not getting a good job or not working hard. For this she would have the following privileges:
limits on TV and video games
Cell phone
Hang out with friends on the weekends only after homework is done
D's or F's and no chores done: This is the equivalent of her not going to college and basically working at McDonalds. For this she would have the following privileges:
Limits on TV
No cell phone
Hang out with friends once a week after homework is done
Out biggest problem with this plan is beimg able to control her TV and video game viewing while we aren' t home So, We bought this thing called TV Bob on eBay. You plug your TV into it and then the child has to put their pin in to turn the TV on. The pin has a time attached to it that you can program in and when the child has reached their time limit the TV won't turn on anymore. She isn't going to be happy about this but I'm so tired of her bad grades that I've got to try something else!
My positive thing for the week: When I think back on what homework time used to be like when Katya first got here, I cringe. It used to be that I would have to prep for a major battle but it is actually hardly ever like that anymore. I think part of it has to do with Katya's attitude change but the majority of the change has to do with my attitude adjustment. I've learned to be more patient, playful and not to take her rebuffs personally. Anyway, I remember one particular day last week, after a pretty frustrating homework session, Katya turns to me and says, "thank you, mom". I think the fact that she said this begrudgingly (as opposed to in a sweet, happy voice) makes it mean even more because I know that she didn't enjoy it (and lord knows I didn't particularly enjoy it either) but she still remembered to say it :)
All this week I have been working out a life lesson for Katya that can be tied to her grades. I had a discussion with her about college last Sunday, over a treat of Jamba Juice after her haircut, about the importance of college. She claimed that her plan was to work for a year to get the money to pay for college. I laughed and told her that the kind of job that she could get after high school without a college degree would not earn her enough money to pay for college. I said that we would probably help her pay for some, depending on where she went, but that she would probably just need to get student loans like I did. She acted like she seemed to see the need for college, but you never know...and she still has horrible grades. I took her to school one morning this week, after a very frustrating night of helping her complete a review sheet for a math test the next day that she "forgot" about until I looked at her sheet that the teachers sign So, my life lesson plan is as follows:
A's and B's and chores done without asking: This is the equivalent of her going to college, getting a good paying job and actually working hard. For this she would have the following privileges:
No limits on TV and video games
Cell phone
Hang out with friends
Go out to dinner or a movie once a week with a friend
C's and chores done without asking: This is the equivalent of her going to college but either not getting a good job or not working hard. For this she would have the following privileges:
limits on TV and video games
Cell phone
Hang out with friends on the weekends only after homework is done
D's or F's and no chores done: This is the equivalent of her not going to college and basically working at McDonalds. For this she would have the following privileges:
Limits on TV
No cell phone
Hang out with friends once a week after homework is done
Out biggest problem with this plan is beimg able to control her TV and video game viewing while we aren' t home So, We bought this thing called TV Bob on eBay. You plug your TV into it and then the child has to put their pin in to turn the TV on. The pin has a time attached to it that you can program in and when the child has reached their time limit the TV won't turn on anymore. She isn't going to be happy about this but I'm so tired of her bad grades that I've got to try something else!
My positive thing for the week: When I think back on what homework time used to be like when Katya first got here, I cringe. It used to be that I would have to prep for a major battle but it is actually hardly ever like that anymore. I think part of it has to do with Katya's attitude change but the majority of the change has to do with my attitude adjustment. I've learned to be more patient, playful and not to take her rebuffs personally. Anyway, I remember one particular day last week, after a pretty frustrating homework session, Katya turns to me and says, "thank you, mom". I think the fact that she said this begrudgingly (as opposed to in a sweet, happy voice) makes it mean even more because I know that she didn't enjoy it (and lord knows I didn't particularly enjoy it either) but she still remembered to say it :)
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Update
I am going to try and blog once a week on Sunday mornings. I actually stopped for a while because I felt that it was actually making me dwell on the negative things but i think it is worse not having any record of life and looking back on a year and wondering "what happened this year?". So, I will try and write something positive in every post to balance out the negative.
What is going on with Tony:
Tony is just adorable. I know that I am not objective but I can't help but think that he is the cutest kid. Except when he throws his temper tantrums. Last night he didn't want to eat what we were having for dinner. Usually, I have to admit, that we will give in and make him a sandwich or mac & cheese but last night we must have been in the mood for a fight with a two year old. And a fight it was! The stubborn little thing was having none of the soup or hamburger helper leftovers that we offered. He wanted the bread, which actually consisted of the cream puffs that Monica made, and he just stuck with that. It was fairly successful, though, when we told him that he had two choices: either stop crying and stay downstairs with us or go and cry in his room. The first time was not as successful, since it was just a threat of him going to his room and he forget the deal after about five minutes. It wasn't until the second time however, after I actually walked him to his room and sat him on his bed and explained that he had to stop crying and asking for bread in order to get out, that the concept stuck. He did quietly ask Alex a half an hour of so later for bread (with a please of course because he thinks a "please" will get him anything) but when Alex reminded him that he had agreed to not asking that, he didn't ask again. Oh what fun it is reasoning with a two year old! I do have to say that he did eventually eat the hamburger helper leftover and that when he actually got some "bread" he didn't even like the cream puff! Poor little guy!
Tony has learned all his letter sounds from the Leapfrog Letter Factory movie. He doesn't quite get the concept that the letters form words, but will pick out the letters in words and tell us what letter they are. His favorite letter is the W (don't ask me why) and just loves to make the "wh wh wh" sound (and to tell me in our way into Walmart that it has a w in it. I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of the Leapfrog Talking Words movie I ordered from Amazon because it is supposed to teach him how to put the sounds together to make words. We are considering putting him in preschool next month. I think he is so smart and want to see his love of learning continue. My goal, however, is to potty train him next weekend first. Even though the school doesn't require it, I've already read the "potty training in a day book" (several months ago - so you can see how excited about the process I am since I "got right on it"), bought the anatomically correct Paul doll from eBay and am "excitedly" awaiting the books and videos I ordered from amazon and the library to begin the fun!
What's going on with Katya:
School is our biggest issue right now. I don't really know what to do with it. She got 3 A's lat quarter, 2 B's, a D and two F's. Despite knowing that F's and D's are not acceptable, she doesn't seem to get the concept. At the end of last quarter I pulled teeth at the counseling office to get her started on a tracking system where she has to have all her teachers sign it and say whether she has homework or not (except we negotiated that her drama teacher didn't have to sign because she got an A in that class and her teacher was so "pissy" about it). We threatened that if she didn't bring this list home that she would have a homework assignment from us that would be much worse than her having to get a paper signed by her teachers and so she has been really good about bringing us that paper. Yet when I checked her grades last week, F in history, C- in math and no score in science which I wouldn't be surprised to see an F. I know we need to come up with some other method but I'm currently at a loss...
Katya has a boyfriend, not really to my great excitement. Really he is just a boy friend (that she sends about 2,000 texts to each month) that we let her hang out with under adult supervision. My reasoning for allowing this is that I want her to actually have some experience with the opposite sex before we let her single date at 16 because I am terrified that she would do anything to make a boy like her. I have to admit that it has been entertaining to watch her manage a "relationship". I thought she had her friend break up with him on Friday (yeah I know - isn't that so "junior high"!) but then she asked to hang out with him yesterday. I think my game plan will be to give unsolicited advice occasionally (such as the "if your mad at him you're better off telling him rather than having him guess because guys are lousy at guessing") but stay out of it. I need to update our "sex" talk with her and have this whole lecture planned out about how the decisions she makes now will affect the rest of her life. I'll admit it, though, that I have been avoiding it! I guess I keep waiting for the right moment to bring it up and I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing. But not saying anything at all is worse -I know I know...
The other day Katya brought home this pamphlet for a college savings plan, handed it to Alex and said, "but you don't need this because I'm not going to college!". Oh brother! She told me yesterday that she wishes she could have a job and actually if I could find her one I probably would because I think she needs a taste of what a collegeless job looks like. (the job thing is humorous because she has had $20 for about three weeks that she hasn't spent and has now lost! What does she need money for?).
My positive thing: On the way into Walmart yesterday Katya said, "I love you mom". It's moments like these that make me look at her and wonder how we ever lived without her :)
What's happening with me:
I'm too busy at work. I think that this is a trait unique to women but most of the time I just feel so inadequate as a parent. I try not to play the "what if" game but if I had known that I was going to adopt a girl, have a baby and have too many extra family members living with me because there is room for them, I would never have bought the really expensive house we are in. This would make it so that I could afford to work part-time and would never have had extra people living here in the future. Instead I have to just think to myself that it is nice to have the rent money from Alex's sister so that we can send Tony to a good preschool and that if we follow our quicken debt plan and if they hire someone else at work then I may be able to work less in the future. Sigh.
What is going on with Tony:
Tony is just adorable. I know that I am not objective but I can't help but think that he is the cutest kid. Except when he throws his temper tantrums. Last night he didn't want to eat what we were having for dinner. Usually, I have to admit, that we will give in and make him a sandwich or mac & cheese but last night we must have been in the mood for a fight with a two year old. And a fight it was! The stubborn little thing was having none of the soup or hamburger helper leftovers that we offered. He wanted the bread, which actually consisted of the cream puffs that Monica made, and he just stuck with that. It was fairly successful, though, when we told him that he had two choices: either stop crying and stay downstairs with us or go and cry in his room. The first time was not as successful, since it was just a threat of him going to his room and he forget the deal after about five minutes. It wasn't until the second time however, after I actually walked him to his room and sat him on his bed and explained that he had to stop crying and asking for bread in order to get out, that the concept stuck. He did quietly ask Alex a half an hour of so later for bread (with a please of course because he thinks a "please" will get him anything) but when Alex reminded him that he had agreed to not asking that, he didn't ask again. Oh what fun it is reasoning with a two year old! I do have to say that he did eventually eat the hamburger helper leftover and that when he actually got some "bread" he didn't even like the cream puff! Poor little guy!
Tony has learned all his letter sounds from the Leapfrog Letter Factory movie. He doesn't quite get the concept that the letters form words, but will pick out the letters in words and tell us what letter they are. His favorite letter is the W (don't ask me why) and just loves to make the "wh wh wh" sound (and to tell me in our way into Walmart that it has a w in it. I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of the Leapfrog Talking Words movie I ordered from Amazon because it is supposed to teach him how to put the sounds together to make words. We are considering putting him in preschool next month. I think he is so smart and want to see his love of learning continue. My goal, however, is to potty train him next weekend first. Even though the school doesn't require it, I've already read the "potty training in a day book" (several months ago - so you can see how excited about the process I am since I "got right on it"), bought the anatomically correct Paul doll from eBay and am "excitedly" awaiting the books and videos I ordered from amazon and the library to begin the fun!
What's going on with Katya:
School is our biggest issue right now. I don't really know what to do with it. She got 3 A's lat quarter, 2 B's, a D and two F's. Despite knowing that F's and D's are not acceptable, she doesn't seem to get the concept. At the end of last quarter I pulled teeth at the counseling office to get her started on a tracking system where she has to have all her teachers sign it and say whether she has homework or not (except we negotiated that her drama teacher didn't have to sign because she got an A in that class and her teacher was so "pissy" about it). We threatened that if she didn't bring this list home that she would have a homework assignment from us that would be much worse than her having to get a paper signed by her teachers and so she has been really good about bringing us that paper. Yet when I checked her grades last week, F in history, C- in math and no score in science which I wouldn't be surprised to see an F. I know we need to come up with some other method but I'm currently at a loss...
Katya has a boyfriend, not really to my great excitement. Really he is just a boy friend (that she sends about 2,000 texts to each month) that we let her hang out with under adult supervision. My reasoning for allowing this is that I want her to actually have some experience with the opposite sex before we let her single date at 16 because I am terrified that she would do anything to make a boy like her. I have to admit that it has been entertaining to watch her manage a "relationship". I thought she had her friend break up with him on Friday (yeah I know - isn't that so "junior high"!) but then she asked to hang out with him yesterday. I think my game plan will be to give unsolicited advice occasionally (such as the "if your mad at him you're better off telling him rather than having him guess because guys are lousy at guessing") but stay out of it. I need to update our "sex" talk with her and have this whole lecture planned out about how the decisions she makes now will affect the rest of her life. I'll admit it, though, that I have been avoiding it! I guess I keep waiting for the right moment to bring it up and I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing. But not saying anything at all is worse -I know I know...
The other day Katya brought home this pamphlet for a college savings plan, handed it to Alex and said, "but you don't need this because I'm not going to college!". Oh brother! She told me yesterday that she wishes she could have a job and actually if I could find her one I probably would because I think she needs a taste of what a collegeless job looks like. (the job thing is humorous because she has had $20 for about three weeks that she hasn't spent and has now lost! What does she need money for?).
My positive thing: On the way into Walmart yesterday Katya said, "I love you mom". It's moments like these that make me look at her and wonder how we ever lived without her :)
What's happening with me:
I'm too busy at work. I think that this is a trait unique to women but most of the time I just feel so inadequate as a parent. I try not to play the "what if" game but if I had known that I was going to adopt a girl, have a baby and have too many extra family members living with me because there is room for them, I would never have bought the really expensive house we are in. This would make it so that I could afford to work part-time and would never have had extra people living here in the future. Instead I have to just think to myself that it is nice to have the rent money from Alex's sister so that we can send Tony to a good preschool and that if we follow our quicken debt plan and if they hire someone else at work then I may be able to work less in the future. Sigh.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Wow! It's been a long time!
Has it really been over six months since my last post? And yet when I think back on what i haven't blogged about I really don't think that I have missed much. How sad is that?
As I sit here watching "glee" with Katy on Hulu (yes - this show is addicting) what important things have I missed over the last six months?
Tony:
His second birthday came and went and he has gone through an obsession with batman, spiderman and is now thoroughly obsessed with toy story. We can no longer go ANYWHERE without green Buzz, blue Buzz, Jessie and Woody. I splurged on the Toy Story 3 DVD for Easter because I don't think I can stand to watch the second Toy Story many more times without going insane!
Today Tony asked if he could go to "Facebook". Do you think that is a sign that Katya asks that same question too often?
My sister, who baby sat Tony today, seemed excited that he knew all of his colors. He doesn't know orange or yellow very well still - I guess Alex needs to give him more iPad school lessons :)
His new favorite phrase is "I don't know". It cracks me up when he says it!
Katya:
Last quarter Katya got four A's, two B's, and one D+. That D+ is going to be the death of me because it is now midway through a new quarter and she still has a D+! I've asked her so many times if she has homework, had her respond no too many times when she really does have homework- even after we clarified that studying for a test is considered homework- and I am at my wits end! I finally called the school on Friday to have them set up a tracker that will make it so she has to have all her teachers sign a sheet saying she turned in her assignment for the day. Cross our fingers that this will relieve my frustration...
Besides school, Katya is doing very well, although she did tell me that she hated me on Thurday for the first time in months and months. It was because I wouldn't let her walk home - by herself she claimed. Except that later we foihnd out that it would have been her and a boy that we don't know. Sneaky little thing. Alex has been making her watch "Teen Mom" in an effort to make her see how much fun it ISN'T to have a baby when you aren't ready. Do you think it will sink in?
I will try not to be so long between posts again. My blogs really are helpful when I go to do the journaling in my scrapbook since I seem to not be able to remember anything unless it is written down. I'm getting too old...
As I sit here watching "glee" with Katy on Hulu (yes - this show is addicting) what important things have I missed over the last six months?
Tony:
His second birthday came and went and he has gone through an obsession with batman, spiderman and is now thoroughly obsessed with toy story. We can no longer go ANYWHERE without green Buzz, blue Buzz, Jessie and Woody. I splurged on the Toy Story 3 DVD for Easter because I don't think I can stand to watch the second Toy Story many more times without going insane!
Today Tony asked if he could go to "Facebook". Do you think that is a sign that Katya asks that same question too often?
My sister, who baby sat Tony today, seemed excited that he knew all of his colors. He doesn't know orange or yellow very well still - I guess Alex needs to give him more iPad school lessons :)
His new favorite phrase is "I don't know". It cracks me up when he says it!
Katya:
Last quarter Katya got four A's, two B's, and one D+. That D+ is going to be the death of me because it is now midway through a new quarter and she still has a D+! I've asked her so many times if she has homework, had her respond no too many times when she really does have homework- even after we clarified that studying for a test is considered homework- and I am at my wits end! I finally called the school on Friday to have them set up a tracker that will make it so she has to have all her teachers sign a sheet saying she turned in her assignment for the day. Cross our fingers that this will relieve my frustration...
Besides school, Katya is doing very well, although she did tell me that she hated me on Thurday for the first time in months and months. It was because I wouldn't let her walk home - by herself she claimed. Except that later we foihnd out that it would have been her and a boy that we don't know. Sneaky little thing. Alex has been making her watch "Teen Mom" in an effort to make her see how much fun it ISN'T to have a baby when you aren't ready. Do you think it will sink in?
I will try not to be so long between posts again. My blogs really are helpful when I go to do the journaling in my scrapbook since I seem to not be able to remember anything unless it is written down. I'm getting too old...
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
7th Grade
When I think back on 7th grade, I don't remember much except that I think I had a really big crush on Greg Hardy. I know, though, that I wouldn't want to go back. Katya started the 7th grade this year. She was very nervous about it - so much so that we took her a couple of days before it started and walked around the school so that she would know where her classes were. I color-coded a school map by period so that she would know know how to go from class to class. When I asked her how her first day of school was she replied, "bad" although she couldn't give me any particular reasons why it was bad. Since then she hasn't really complained about it and actually seems to like school - or at least she gets up in the morning, puts her clothes on, usually brushes her hair and tells me she has brushed her teeth (I have my doubts about that one, though!). She went two days last week without being late to any classes - a tribute to the fact that she has finally learned how to navigate around the school. And then they switched her classes all around! They moved her into a special English class for kids that need help with reading and I had them move her out of Orchestra and into a Math lab and pretty much all her classes changed around. I wasn't sure how she would react but she did OK. I just heard one complaint about how she wishes that she could still have the same English teacher to which I explained that her old English teacher doesn't teach the special reading class and that the reading class will really help her out (I sure hope that it helps her out!).
About a week ago Alex gets this phone call from Katya who states that "she wants to go to a different school". He was on his way home and told her they could talk about it when he got home. We were both anticipating the worst - that some kid tripped her in the hall, that she had a fight with someone or that someone made fun of her. It turns out that her reason for wanting to change schools was that her friend that is a boy tried to hold her hand. Oh brother! Alex and both gave her the same advice - that she needed to tell him that she didn't like him as anything more than a friend since he was probably still going on the premise that she did "like" him since that is what she told him during the summer. She did go over his house to have this conversation a day or so later but I am not really sure how that went. My niece happened to be there and piecing the story together I can come up with that the boy's mother somehow got involved in the conversation and that in the end the boy was OK. Drama queen!
Yesterday Katya calls me at 11:30. The students are allowed to use their cell phones during lunch and so I will sometime get calls about whether or not she can have ice cream and sometimes I will get calls that seem to have no point to them at all. This call started with, "Mom, my pencil broke." (Although thinking back I remember I had to somehow drag this out of her since I was very confused about what she was saying and somehow was able to understand she was talking about her pencil when she mentioned the word "lead"). My reply was, "Can't you use another pencil?". "No - I don't have one," she says. I know for a fact that along with all the other school crap we bought at the beginning of the year that there were many pencils included. "Where are your pencils? We bought you pencils at the beginning of the year". "At home," she says. Of course! Where else would they be? "I think you need to borrow a pencil from someone and then when you get home put all the pencils we bought you into your bag!" It actually really made me laugh because it was very silly that she thought that I would leave work, drive a half an hour to her school, give her a pencil and then drive back to work. Seriously?
About a week ago Alex gets this phone call from Katya who states that "she wants to go to a different school". He was on his way home and told her they could talk about it when he got home. We were both anticipating the worst - that some kid tripped her in the hall, that she had a fight with someone or that someone made fun of her. It turns out that her reason for wanting to change schools was that her friend that is a boy tried to hold her hand. Oh brother! Alex and both gave her the same advice - that she needed to tell him that she didn't like him as anything more than a friend since he was probably still going on the premise that she did "like" him since that is what she told him during the summer. She did go over his house to have this conversation a day or so later but I am not really sure how that went. My niece happened to be there and piecing the story together I can come up with that the boy's mother somehow got involved in the conversation and that in the end the boy was OK. Drama queen!
Yesterday Katya calls me at 11:30. The students are allowed to use their cell phones during lunch and so I will sometime get calls about whether or not she can have ice cream and sometimes I will get calls that seem to have no point to them at all. This call started with, "Mom, my pencil broke." (Although thinking back I remember I had to somehow drag this out of her since I was very confused about what she was saying and somehow was able to understand she was talking about her pencil when she mentioned the word "lead"). My reply was, "Can't you use another pencil?". "No - I don't have one," she says. I know for a fact that along with all the other school crap we bought at the beginning of the year that there were many pencils included. "Where are your pencils? We bought you pencils at the beginning of the year". "At home," she says. Of course! Where else would they be? "I think you need to borrow a pencil from someone and then when you get home put all the pencils we bought you into your bag!" It actually really made me laugh because it was very silly that she thought that I would leave work, drive a half an hour to her school, give her a pencil and then drive back to work. Seriously?
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Tutoring
At the beginning of July, we took Katya into the Sylvan Learning Center to have her assessed to see where she was it grade level wise. With summer upon us, I was feeling very unfocused, completely overwhelmed, and frustrated at having to suffer through Katya's horrid moods and utter lack of cooperation whenever homework or schoolwork was mentioned. I needed an out. So we shelled out the $175 to have someone else tell us what we already knew - that Katya was very far behind. If we could put Katya in the third grade, she would be at about the level of her peers and everything would be "hunky-dorey". The problem is that Katya is going into the seventh grade.
At Sylvan the message was almost like music to my ears. Their pitch is that you can drop your kid off for two hours a day, four days a week and they will educate your child without any stress on you. The kids absolutely love it, they say, because they make learning fun and give them little coupons that they can use to buy prizes (yeah - more junk!). By the end of the summer they promised that Katya would have gone up at least one grade level - maybe even two - and the thought of me not having to sit through tears while studying multiplication tables or getting raunchy looks when I correct a wrongly pronounced word sounded like heaven. And if I'd had an extra $1,600 a month laying around, I would have definately taken them up on that offer. Unfortunately, the initial nirvana of the meeting wore off and financial reality struck and so I started looking at tutors on KSL. They only charge $10 - $25 an hour, instead of $50, which was still going to be a stretch for our budget but definately more "doable". And I was going to be stress-free!
I decided to go with a lady that charged $25 an hour because she had experience with working with difficult children and she had impressed me in our initial phone conversation. Her first question was, after I had given her a background on Katya, "How well did she speak Russian because that is going to make a difference in how well she can learn English." While this was not a new concept to me, it was a clue as to how experienced this tutor was and I was sold! And I was one step closer to being stress-free!
I feel like I should change her name for "privacy purposes" (like one of those disclaimers at the end of a Law and Order episode) because I'm about to not be really nice, but let's just call her Cheryl anyway. It was after the first tutoring session that I knew I might not have hired what I thought I hired. I let her have the hour long session in privacy not wanting to lurk and actually enjoying the hour of Tony-and-me time. When they were finished, she started talking about Katya's bad past. At Cheryl's prompting, Katya had drawn a picture of something from her past that wasn't pretty. Cheryl told me all about how she had been beaten, that she didn't like the other kids in the orphanage, that she still wanted to be living with her mother, and a myriad of other details. None of the details were necessarily new to me, but I was frankly impressed that she had managed to get so much information out of her in the span of an hour. I'd been living with Katya for over a year and hadn't really gotten many more details out of her than this stranger had. Then we started talking about how she was doing in the education department. Cheryl said that Katya doesn't really want to learn (big surprise) but it seemed that she was of the opinion that we should just let Katya go at her pace and that we let Katya decide when it was time to learn. I, on the other hand, having come from Sylvan where they break down a child's "catching up" in terms of hours and having seen Katya's lack of learning motivation the entire school year (especially in the math department), wanted something a little more promising. After all, do you know how many grades there are between third and seventh?
Looking back, I wonder if this is where I went wrong. Should I have just trusted Cheryl and let her be lacksidasical (is that how you spell it - I'm too lazy to type it in Word to find out) about the tutoring hours and given her more leeway? Maybe it would have made a difference, maybe not. But what I did is opted for a more structured schedule - two hours a day, two days a week. I had a sneaky suspicion after the first session that Cheryl was very interested in playing amateur psychologist - maybe even more interested in this than actually teaching Katya. In fact, I had expressed this insight to Alex and we had agreed (mainly I had decided and Alex went along) that there could be some real benefits to Katya talking to someone else about her past and that $25 was pretty cheap for a psychologist.
I lasted about eight sessions before I'd had enough. At first Katya had liked Cheryl - she said she was "fun" - and then she no longer liked all the prodding that Cheryl did - trying to dredge out horrible details from her past. I was feeling like the money I was spending was not making good use and frankly I was actually feeling stressed about the lack of control I was having over the process. The last straw was a phone conversation I had with Cheryl to get an update on where Katya was. I didn't feel like I was "in the loop" of what was going on since I was never there when Cheryl came and I was getting Katya's progress reports from Alex - who (I love you babe!) isn't the most detail-oriented person. I needed to justify the dollars flying by and the progress report from Cheryl was scattered and inconcise and led me to conclude that I really couldn't give up control over Katya's education. I know, I know. I am a control-freak and I will admit it. I'd like to say that it makes me a good mother but I'm not sure. Anyway, Cheryl talked about how she was working on subtraction with Katya, which I was fine with since the Sylvan test had shown that she needed subtraction help. What really bothered me was that in earlier sessions she had been working on multiplication and fractions and in the phone conversation she started talking about geometry. My lack of focus had been what had driven me to go to Sylvan in the first place and now here I was with a tutor that seemed to be about as unfocused as I was! Where was my stress-freeness?
Alex offered to call and fire her. We started comparing notes and realized that neither one of us liked her "bedside manner". She was arrogant, intimidating, and a know-it-all and I didn't want to talk to her again. So Alex politely (I gave him strict instructions to be polite!) told her that we really couldn't afford her services anymore - which wasn't entirely untrue :) And where are we now? Right back where we started?
Not quite. I do have to give Cheryl credit for the following:
Katya really is almost 100% more cooperative than she was before. She will actually let you correct her mispronunciation without having a crying fit, she is for the most part pretty willing during our one hour three times a week tutoring sessions, and I do like Cheryl's suggestion of reading to Katya nightly to build vocabulary because it does give us some much needed one-on-one time.
Cheryl renewed my sense of purpose when it came to Katya and my willingness to have some empathy for what she has been through. Talking to Cheryl reminded me that I need to think more about what Katya needs and talk more about to her about how she is feeling about things. I don't know that I necessarily need to try to drag every horrible detail about her past out of her but I think it does help Katya to talk about it sometimes. Katya and I have actually had several insightful conversations post-Cheryl that have done a lot to strenghthen our relationship.
So, I have spent hours and hours figuring out my education plan for Katya, finding phonic programs and worksheets on the internet, and creating education "punch cards" and reward charts. And actually it has been working quite well. I am not stress-free, as I had hoped, but I think I have found a happy medium where I can accept my role in Katya's education. I have come to realize that Katya really does need to work on addition and subtraction - a fact that I wouldn't accept during her school year because it was so far behind sixth grade and how can we start so far back? We are reviewing all the phonic sounds despite the fact that the ESL teacher had given her stamp of approval because how can I help her if I don't know what she needs help with? Is it a bit depressing to seem to be going backwards? Yes, but as the Sylvan lady put it, "She is not going to catch up from third grade to seventh grade in one year." Her motivation was most likely more along the lines of seeing how much money she can get out of me but she really was right. Had I seen that at the beginning of this year I would have started at addition and subtraction and just think where we could be right now? Oh well - 20/20 hindsight is irrelevant. All we can do is go forward.
I am a little bit less stressed, though. I "let" Alex take over the grocery shopping and menu planning. After all, why should I get to have all the fun! Hee Hee!
At Sylvan the message was almost like music to my ears. Their pitch is that you can drop your kid off for two hours a day, four days a week and they will educate your child without any stress on you. The kids absolutely love it, they say, because they make learning fun and give them little coupons that they can use to buy prizes (yeah - more junk!). By the end of the summer they promised that Katya would have gone up at least one grade level - maybe even two - and the thought of me not having to sit through tears while studying multiplication tables or getting raunchy looks when I correct a wrongly pronounced word sounded like heaven. And if I'd had an extra $1,600 a month laying around, I would have definately taken them up on that offer. Unfortunately, the initial nirvana of the meeting wore off and financial reality struck and so I started looking at tutors on KSL. They only charge $10 - $25 an hour, instead of $50, which was still going to be a stretch for our budget but definately more "doable". And I was going to be stress-free!
I decided to go with a lady that charged $25 an hour because she had experience with working with difficult children and she had impressed me in our initial phone conversation. Her first question was, after I had given her a background on Katya, "How well did she speak Russian because that is going to make a difference in how well she can learn English." While this was not a new concept to me, it was a clue as to how experienced this tutor was and I was sold! And I was one step closer to being stress-free!
I feel like I should change her name for "privacy purposes" (like one of those disclaimers at the end of a Law and Order episode) because I'm about to not be really nice, but let's just call her Cheryl anyway. It was after the first tutoring session that I knew I might not have hired what I thought I hired. I let her have the hour long session in privacy not wanting to lurk and actually enjoying the hour of Tony-and-me time. When they were finished, she started talking about Katya's bad past. At Cheryl's prompting, Katya had drawn a picture of something from her past that wasn't pretty. Cheryl told me all about how she had been beaten, that she didn't like the other kids in the orphanage, that she still wanted to be living with her mother, and a myriad of other details. None of the details were necessarily new to me, but I was frankly impressed that she had managed to get so much information out of her in the span of an hour. I'd been living with Katya for over a year and hadn't really gotten many more details out of her than this stranger had. Then we started talking about how she was doing in the education department. Cheryl said that Katya doesn't really want to learn (big surprise) but it seemed that she was of the opinion that we should just let Katya go at her pace and that we let Katya decide when it was time to learn. I, on the other hand, having come from Sylvan where they break down a child's "catching up" in terms of hours and having seen Katya's lack of learning motivation the entire school year (especially in the math department), wanted something a little more promising. After all, do you know how many grades there are between third and seventh?
Looking back, I wonder if this is where I went wrong. Should I have just trusted Cheryl and let her be lacksidasical (is that how you spell it - I'm too lazy to type it in Word to find out) about the tutoring hours and given her more leeway? Maybe it would have made a difference, maybe not. But what I did is opted for a more structured schedule - two hours a day, two days a week. I had a sneaky suspicion after the first session that Cheryl was very interested in playing amateur psychologist - maybe even more interested in this than actually teaching Katya. In fact, I had expressed this insight to Alex and we had agreed (mainly I had decided and Alex went along) that there could be some real benefits to Katya talking to someone else about her past and that $25 was pretty cheap for a psychologist.
I lasted about eight sessions before I'd had enough. At first Katya had liked Cheryl - she said she was "fun" - and then she no longer liked all the prodding that Cheryl did - trying to dredge out horrible details from her past. I was feeling like the money I was spending was not making good use and frankly I was actually feeling stressed about the lack of control I was having over the process. The last straw was a phone conversation I had with Cheryl to get an update on where Katya was. I didn't feel like I was "in the loop" of what was going on since I was never there when Cheryl came and I was getting Katya's progress reports from Alex - who (I love you babe!) isn't the most detail-oriented person. I needed to justify the dollars flying by and the progress report from Cheryl was scattered and inconcise and led me to conclude that I really couldn't give up control over Katya's education. I know, I know. I am a control-freak and I will admit it. I'd like to say that it makes me a good mother but I'm not sure. Anyway, Cheryl talked about how she was working on subtraction with Katya, which I was fine with since the Sylvan test had shown that she needed subtraction help. What really bothered me was that in earlier sessions she had been working on multiplication and fractions and in the phone conversation she started talking about geometry. My lack of focus had been what had driven me to go to Sylvan in the first place and now here I was with a tutor that seemed to be about as unfocused as I was! Where was my stress-freeness?
Alex offered to call and fire her. We started comparing notes and realized that neither one of us liked her "bedside manner". She was arrogant, intimidating, and a know-it-all and I didn't want to talk to her again. So Alex politely (I gave him strict instructions to be polite!) told her that we really couldn't afford her services anymore - which wasn't entirely untrue :) And where are we now? Right back where we started?
Not quite. I do have to give Cheryl credit for the following:
Katya really is almost 100% more cooperative than she was before. She will actually let you correct her mispronunciation without having a crying fit, she is for the most part pretty willing during our one hour three times a week tutoring sessions, and I do like Cheryl's suggestion of reading to Katya nightly to build vocabulary because it does give us some much needed one-on-one time.
Cheryl renewed my sense of purpose when it came to Katya and my willingness to have some empathy for what she has been through. Talking to Cheryl reminded me that I need to think more about what Katya needs and talk more about to her about how she is feeling about things. I don't know that I necessarily need to try to drag every horrible detail about her past out of her but I think it does help Katya to talk about it sometimes. Katya and I have actually had several insightful conversations post-Cheryl that have done a lot to strenghthen our relationship.
So, I have spent hours and hours figuring out my education plan for Katya, finding phonic programs and worksheets on the internet, and creating education "punch cards" and reward charts. And actually it has been working quite well. I am not stress-free, as I had hoped, but I think I have found a happy medium where I can accept my role in Katya's education. I have come to realize that Katya really does need to work on addition and subtraction - a fact that I wouldn't accept during her school year because it was so far behind sixth grade and how can we start so far back? We are reviewing all the phonic sounds despite the fact that the ESL teacher had given her stamp of approval because how can I help her if I don't know what she needs help with? Is it a bit depressing to seem to be going backwards? Yes, but as the Sylvan lady put it, "She is not going to catch up from third grade to seventh grade in one year." Her motivation was most likely more along the lines of seeing how much money she can get out of me but she really was right. Had I seen that at the beginning of this year I would have started at addition and subtraction and just think where we could be right now? Oh well - 20/20 hindsight is irrelevant. All we can do is go forward.
I am a little bit less stressed, though. I "let" Alex take over the grocery shopping and menu planning. After all, why should I get to have all the fun! Hee Hee!
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