We survived Thanksgiving and the 30+ people in my house. I've almost gotten my kitchen back to normal and am sitting here thinking about how unproductive I have been this weekend. I did not start to potty train Tony, it took me two days to find the motivation to clean the kitchen and I spent the majority of the day yesterday reading a book (The Help). Sigh. We did finish most of our Christmas shopping and have a stack of wrapped presents sitting in our bedroom to prove it (figured they wouldn't be able to peek on them this way). But now my "to do" list for the day includes doing the bills to figure out how to pay for it. Sigh.
I'm having a hard time with Christmas this year, particularly with Katya. Alex took her Black Friday shopping with him and said that in the course of the conversation Katya brought up all the things she got last year that she didn't like. I'm afraid that if she says this to me that I will take that stack of presents in our room for her down to the community center and donate them to a kid that would really appreciate them. No kidding. I'm actually very sad because I think about how she came from having nothing to having way too much stuff that she has no value for and I know this is our fault. We turned her into a typical American kid that thinks they are entitled rather than privileged. So, here I sit trying to think of a way that I can remind her how lucky she is. I am toying with the idea of making her earn $20 to buy a present for a kid on the giving tree. I could tell her that we are all going to buy one present. But, is there something wrong with forcing someone to do charity? My next idea is to find a service activity to involve her in that lets her see that there are actually kids out there in this country that live like people in the Ukraine - kids that don't have nice clothes or cell phones or iPods (that they ultimately loose because they think they will just get another one) or food. I think I will look online to see if we can go and volunteer at the food bank or the homeless shelter.
On a lighter note, Tony was sure fun to buy for! In fact, he has so many presents that we keep having to come up with more for Katya so that they have an equal number of presents under the tree.
Katya:
Katya had a major learning opportunity this week (at least I hope that she learned something from it). It all started last Thursday. Katya went to Classic Skating with her friend, Shelly. Alex didn't like Shelly already and will usually come up with any excuse possible to make it so Katya doesn't hang out with her. Her house is too far to walk to after school, we are busy doing something else that night, don't you want to do this to tonight? We are smart enough to know that the minute we say that we don't like her that she will become Katya's instant best friend. So we try to be very delicate but when Katya asked if she could go to Classic Skating with her for Shelly's birthday and that Shelly's dad was going to take the and pick them up, I said yes. Alex would have come up with an excuse and in retrospect I wish that I had too. If you are going to read on I need you to be able swear this next part to secrecy even upon torture and imminent death! (If you aren't willing to accept these terms then please don't read on). Katya is using Alex's old iPhone. The iPhone has this really cool feature where you can use the GPS to look and see where the phone user is. Alex, considering Katya's current company, decided to check and see if she really was where she was supposed to be. You can probably guess that when he pulled up her coordinates, she was very close to the Classic Skating but not in Classic Skating and her location peg was moving very slowly suggesting that she was walking around outside. He grabs his car keys to go and find her and I get a phone call about twenty minutes later. "Guess what I found at the abandoned Lowe's parking lot in front of Classic Skating?" he says. Alex and I are for the most part pretty laid back parents and take things in stride because what's done is done and can't really be changed so I calmly reply, "What?". "Two cop cars, six kids - four of which were in handcuffs.". Of course Katya was one of those six kids (luckily one not in handcuffs). The scoop as Alex knew it at the time after a brief talk with one of the cops was that there had been a call about a fight at Classic Skating and that these kids were being questioned. The cop asked Alex how he knew his daughter was there and seemed to be impressed by the answer and the fact that he came looking for her. Alex told the cop that he would prefer that Katya not know about the paren't-friendly feature of the iPhone to which the cop agreed (apparently when Katya asked how the cop knew her dad, the cop replied, "We have our ways."). It turns out, after a confession by Katya in response to a very firm "you tell the cops the truth the first time they ask" from Alex, that the incident occurred as follows:
Katya and the two girl friends that she is with decide that it is a good idea to leave the classic skating with three guys they don't know (cringe) and walk around a deserted parking lot (cringe). They apparently had nothing to do with the fight but when they saw the cops they ran (cringe). The cops caught up to them and Shelly had a Chinese star in her bra (which is weapon, hence the handcuffs) and the three boys had knives (cringe cringe!). Alex is really good at giving long-winded lectures so I am actually really glad that he had a fifteen minute radio-less car ride to just let her have it. He did an excellent job of telling her about all the things that could have happened, such as her getting assaulted (or killed) by a boy with a knife or her getting shot by a cop because she ran. I have now decided that I too don't like Shelly and despite the gravity of the situation, I still find it slightly humorous and really do hope that Katya learned something from it. Sigh.
Tony:
Two year olds say they funniest things. I have the worst memory, though, so something that is so funny that you think you will remember it forever I or course don't remember. So I am writing down the ones I can remember right now.
Tony is obsessed with super heros. His favorites are Batman and Superman but he has a plethora of superhero names in his vocabulary. He has started asking us to take his shirt off and run around the house and pretend he is the incredible hulk, which is pretty funny to watch him flex his little muscles. The other day my mom took him to Arctic Circle. He was playing with another little boy and the little boy asks him what his name is. Tony replied, seriously of course, "Tony the hulk". My mom said that the boy just gave Tony this blank stare. Apparently he isn't a superhero fan.
Tony likes to play the Xbox kinect with Alex. It sucks because on some of the games be ause he is so short, the game thinks he is kneeling. But on this particular day Alex and him were playing a demo of Once Upon A Monster. It has this game where there are bunnies in the shower and then it gives you this monster shape that you are supposed to arrange your body parts to make. Alex complained about being sore after playing it because you have to crouch down and hold the position for a while.Tony told me later that night, after I asked him what he was going to dream about, that he was going to dream about bunnies in the shower and monsters. (hopefully that worked out for him). This particular day, I was sitting on the couch watching them and Alex was having a hard time getting the game to respond to him. He is standing there waving his arms and says, "what the hell!" and there is Tony standing next to him, also waving his arms, with a "what the hell!" to go right along with Alex's. How can you not laugh? (and then just ignore it so that Tony doesn't think, it is something he should say again).
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Week of Sunday, November 20th
Katya update:
All this week I have been working out a life lesson for Katya that can be tied to her grades. I had a discussion with her about college last Sunday, over a treat of Jamba Juice after her haircut, about the importance of college. She claimed that her plan was to work for a year to get the money to pay for college. I laughed and told her that the kind of job that she could get after high school without a college degree would not earn her enough money to pay for college. I said that we would probably help her pay for some, depending on where she went, but that she would probably just need to get student loans like I did. She acted like she seemed to see the need for college, but you never know...and she still has horrible grades. I took her to school one morning this week, after a very frustrating night of helping her complete a review sheet for a math test the next day that she "forgot" about until I looked at her sheet that the teachers sign So, my life lesson plan is as follows:
A's and B's and chores done without asking: This is the equivalent of her going to college, getting a good paying job and actually working hard. For this she would have the following privileges:
No limits on TV and video games
Cell phone
Hang out with friends
Go out to dinner or a movie once a week with a friend
C's and chores done without asking: This is the equivalent of her going to college but either not getting a good job or not working hard. For this she would have the following privileges:
limits on TV and video games
Cell phone
Hang out with friends on the weekends only after homework is done
D's or F's and no chores done: This is the equivalent of her not going to college and basically working at McDonalds. For this she would have the following privileges:
Limits on TV
No cell phone
Hang out with friends once a week after homework is done
Out biggest problem with this plan is beimg able to control her TV and video game viewing while we aren' t home So, We bought this thing called TV Bob on eBay. You plug your TV into it and then the child has to put their pin in to turn the TV on. The pin has a time attached to it that you can program in and when the child has reached their time limit the TV won't turn on anymore. She isn't going to be happy about this but I'm so tired of her bad grades that I've got to try something else!
My positive thing for the week: When I think back on what homework time used to be like when Katya first got here, I cringe. It used to be that I would have to prep for a major battle but it is actually hardly ever like that anymore. I think part of it has to do with Katya's attitude change but the majority of the change has to do with my attitude adjustment. I've learned to be more patient, playful and not to take her rebuffs personally. Anyway, I remember one particular day last week, after a pretty frustrating homework session, Katya turns to me and says, "thank you, mom". I think the fact that she said this begrudgingly (as opposed to in a sweet, happy voice) makes it mean even more because I know that she didn't enjoy it (and lord knows I didn't particularly enjoy it either) but she still remembered to say it :)
All this week I have been working out a life lesson for Katya that can be tied to her grades. I had a discussion with her about college last Sunday, over a treat of Jamba Juice after her haircut, about the importance of college. She claimed that her plan was to work for a year to get the money to pay for college. I laughed and told her that the kind of job that she could get after high school without a college degree would not earn her enough money to pay for college. I said that we would probably help her pay for some, depending on where she went, but that she would probably just need to get student loans like I did. She acted like she seemed to see the need for college, but you never know...and she still has horrible grades. I took her to school one morning this week, after a very frustrating night of helping her complete a review sheet for a math test the next day that she "forgot" about until I looked at her sheet that the teachers sign So, my life lesson plan is as follows:
A's and B's and chores done without asking: This is the equivalent of her going to college, getting a good paying job and actually working hard. For this she would have the following privileges:
No limits on TV and video games
Cell phone
Hang out with friends
Go out to dinner or a movie once a week with a friend
C's and chores done without asking: This is the equivalent of her going to college but either not getting a good job or not working hard. For this she would have the following privileges:
limits on TV and video games
Cell phone
Hang out with friends on the weekends only after homework is done
D's or F's and no chores done: This is the equivalent of her not going to college and basically working at McDonalds. For this she would have the following privileges:
Limits on TV
No cell phone
Hang out with friends once a week after homework is done
Out biggest problem with this plan is beimg able to control her TV and video game viewing while we aren' t home So, We bought this thing called TV Bob on eBay. You plug your TV into it and then the child has to put their pin in to turn the TV on. The pin has a time attached to it that you can program in and when the child has reached their time limit the TV won't turn on anymore. She isn't going to be happy about this but I'm so tired of her bad grades that I've got to try something else!
My positive thing for the week: When I think back on what homework time used to be like when Katya first got here, I cringe. It used to be that I would have to prep for a major battle but it is actually hardly ever like that anymore. I think part of it has to do with Katya's attitude change but the majority of the change has to do with my attitude adjustment. I've learned to be more patient, playful and not to take her rebuffs personally. Anyway, I remember one particular day last week, after a pretty frustrating homework session, Katya turns to me and says, "thank you, mom". I think the fact that she said this begrudgingly (as opposed to in a sweet, happy voice) makes it mean even more because I know that she didn't enjoy it (and lord knows I didn't particularly enjoy it either) but she still remembered to say it :)
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Update
I am going to try and blog once a week on Sunday mornings. I actually stopped for a while because I felt that it was actually making me dwell on the negative things but i think it is worse not having any record of life and looking back on a year and wondering "what happened this year?". So, I will try and write something positive in every post to balance out the negative.
What is going on with Tony:
Tony is just adorable. I know that I am not objective but I can't help but think that he is the cutest kid. Except when he throws his temper tantrums. Last night he didn't want to eat what we were having for dinner. Usually, I have to admit, that we will give in and make him a sandwich or mac & cheese but last night we must have been in the mood for a fight with a two year old. And a fight it was! The stubborn little thing was having none of the soup or hamburger helper leftovers that we offered. He wanted the bread, which actually consisted of the cream puffs that Monica made, and he just stuck with that. It was fairly successful, though, when we told him that he had two choices: either stop crying and stay downstairs with us or go and cry in his room. The first time was not as successful, since it was just a threat of him going to his room and he forget the deal after about five minutes. It wasn't until the second time however, after I actually walked him to his room and sat him on his bed and explained that he had to stop crying and asking for bread in order to get out, that the concept stuck. He did quietly ask Alex a half an hour of so later for bread (with a please of course because he thinks a "please" will get him anything) but when Alex reminded him that he had agreed to not asking that, he didn't ask again. Oh what fun it is reasoning with a two year old! I do have to say that he did eventually eat the hamburger helper leftover and that when he actually got some "bread" he didn't even like the cream puff! Poor little guy!
Tony has learned all his letter sounds from the Leapfrog Letter Factory movie. He doesn't quite get the concept that the letters form words, but will pick out the letters in words and tell us what letter they are. His favorite letter is the W (don't ask me why) and just loves to make the "wh wh wh" sound (and to tell me in our way into Walmart that it has a w in it. I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of the Leapfrog Talking Words movie I ordered from Amazon because it is supposed to teach him how to put the sounds together to make words. We are considering putting him in preschool next month. I think he is so smart and want to see his love of learning continue. My goal, however, is to potty train him next weekend first. Even though the school doesn't require it, I've already read the "potty training in a day book" (several months ago - so you can see how excited about the process I am since I "got right on it"), bought the anatomically correct Paul doll from eBay and am "excitedly" awaiting the books and videos I ordered from amazon and the library to begin the fun!
What's going on with Katya:
School is our biggest issue right now. I don't really know what to do with it. She got 3 A's lat quarter, 2 B's, a D and two F's. Despite knowing that F's and D's are not acceptable, she doesn't seem to get the concept. At the end of last quarter I pulled teeth at the counseling office to get her started on a tracking system where she has to have all her teachers sign it and say whether she has homework or not (except we negotiated that her drama teacher didn't have to sign because she got an A in that class and her teacher was so "pissy" about it). We threatened that if she didn't bring this list home that she would have a homework assignment from us that would be much worse than her having to get a paper signed by her teachers and so she has been really good about bringing us that paper. Yet when I checked her grades last week, F in history, C- in math and no score in science which I wouldn't be surprised to see an F. I know we need to come up with some other method but I'm currently at a loss...
Katya has a boyfriend, not really to my great excitement. Really he is just a boy friend (that she sends about 2,000 texts to each month) that we let her hang out with under adult supervision. My reasoning for allowing this is that I want her to actually have some experience with the opposite sex before we let her single date at 16 because I am terrified that she would do anything to make a boy like her. I have to admit that it has been entertaining to watch her manage a "relationship". I thought she had her friend break up with him on Friday (yeah I know - isn't that so "junior high"!) but then she asked to hang out with him yesterday. I think my game plan will be to give unsolicited advice occasionally (such as the "if your mad at him you're better off telling him rather than having him guess because guys are lousy at guessing") but stay out of it. I need to update our "sex" talk with her and have this whole lecture planned out about how the decisions she makes now will affect the rest of her life. I'll admit it, though, that I have been avoiding it! I guess I keep waiting for the right moment to bring it up and I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing. But not saying anything at all is worse -I know I know...
The other day Katya brought home this pamphlet for a college savings plan, handed it to Alex and said, "but you don't need this because I'm not going to college!". Oh brother! She told me yesterday that she wishes she could have a job and actually if I could find her one I probably would because I think she needs a taste of what a collegeless job looks like. (the job thing is humorous because she has had $20 for about three weeks that she hasn't spent and has now lost! What does she need money for?).
My positive thing: On the way into Walmart yesterday Katya said, "I love you mom". It's moments like these that make me look at her and wonder how we ever lived without her :)
What's happening with me:
I'm too busy at work. I think that this is a trait unique to women but most of the time I just feel so inadequate as a parent. I try not to play the "what if" game but if I had known that I was going to adopt a girl, have a baby and have too many extra family members living with me because there is room for them, I would never have bought the really expensive house we are in. This would make it so that I could afford to work part-time and would never have had extra people living here in the future. Instead I have to just think to myself that it is nice to have the rent money from Alex's sister so that we can send Tony to a good preschool and that if we follow our quicken debt plan and if they hire someone else at work then I may be able to work less in the future. Sigh.
What is going on with Tony:
Tony is just adorable. I know that I am not objective but I can't help but think that he is the cutest kid. Except when he throws his temper tantrums. Last night he didn't want to eat what we were having for dinner. Usually, I have to admit, that we will give in and make him a sandwich or mac & cheese but last night we must have been in the mood for a fight with a two year old. And a fight it was! The stubborn little thing was having none of the soup or hamburger helper leftovers that we offered. He wanted the bread, which actually consisted of the cream puffs that Monica made, and he just stuck with that. It was fairly successful, though, when we told him that he had two choices: either stop crying and stay downstairs with us or go and cry in his room. The first time was not as successful, since it was just a threat of him going to his room and he forget the deal after about five minutes. It wasn't until the second time however, after I actually walked him to his room and sat him on his bed and explained that he had to stop crying and asking for bread in order to get out, that the concept stuck. He did quietly ask Alex a half an hour of so later for bread (with a please of course because he thinks a "please" will get him anything) but when Alex reminded him that he had agreed to not asking that, he didn't ask again. Oh what fun it is reasoning with a two year old! I do have to say that he did eventually eat the hamburger helper leftover and that when he actually got some "bread" he didn't even like the cream puff! Poor little guy!
Tony has learned all his letter sounds from the Leapfrog Letter Factory movie. He doesn't quite get the concept that the letters form words, but will pick out the letters in words and tell us what letter they are. His favorite letter is the W (don't ask me why) and just loves to make the "wh wh wh" sound (and to tell me in our way into Walmart that it has a w in it. I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of the Leapfrog Talking Words movie I ordered from Amazon because it is supposed to teach him how to put the sounds together to make words. We are considering putting him in preschool next month. I think he is so smart and want to see his love of learning continue. My goal, however, is to potty train him next weekend first. Even though the school doesn't require it, I've already read the "potty training in a day book" (several months ago - so you can see how excited about the process I am since I "got right on it"), bought the anatomically correct Paul doll from eBay and am "excitedly" awaiting the books and videos I ordered from amazon and the library to begin the fun!
What's going on with Katya:
School is our biggest issue right now. I don't really know what to do with it. She got 3 A's lat quarter, 2 B's, a D and two F's. Despite knowing that F's and D's are not acceptable, she doesn't seem to get the concept. At the end of last quarter I pulled teeth at the counseling office to get her started on a tracking system where she has to have all her teachers sign it and say whether she has homework or not (except we negotiated that her drama teacher didn't have to sign because she got an A in that class and her teacher was so "pissy" about it). We threatened that if she didn't bring this list home that she would have a homework assignment from us that would be much worse than her having to get a paper signed by her teachers and so she has been really good about bringing us that paper. Yet when I checked her grades last week, F in history, C- in math and no score in science which I wouldn't be surprised to see an F. I know we need to come up with some other method but I'm currently at a loss...
Katya has a boyfriend, not really to my great excitement. Really he is just a boy friend (that she sends about 2,000 texts to each month) that we let her hang out with under adult supervision. My reasoning for allowing this is that I want her to actually have some experience with the opposite sex before we let her single date at 16 because I am terrified that she would do anything to make a boy like her. I have to admit that it has been entertaining to watch her manage a "relationship". I thought she had her friend break up with him on Friday (yeah I know - isn't that so "junior high"!) but then she asked to hang out with him yesterday. I think my game plan will be to give unsolicited advice occasionally (such as the "if your mad at him you're better off telling him rather than having him guess because guys are lousy at guessing") but stay out of it. I need to update our "sex" talk with her and have this whole lecture planned out about how the decisions she makes now will affect the rest of her life. I'll admit it, though, that I have been avoiding it! I guess I keep waiting for the right moment to bring it up and I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing. But not saying anything at all is worse -I know I know...
The other day Katya brought home this pamphlet for a college savings plan, handed it to Alex and said, "but you don't need this because I'm not going to college!". Oh brother! She told me yesterday that she wishes she could have a job and actually if I could find her one I probably would because I think she needs a taste of what a collegeless job looks like. (the job thing is humorous because she has had $20 for about three weeks that she hasn't spent and has now lost! What does she need money for?).
My positive thing: On the way into Walmart yesterday Katya said, "I love you mom". It's moments like these that make me look at her and wonder how we ever lived without her :)
What's happening with me:
I'm too busy at work. I think that this is a trait unique to women but most of the time I just feel so inadequate as a parent. I try not to play the "what if" game but if I had known that I was going to adopt a girl, have a baby and have too many extra family members living with me because there is room for them, I would never have bought the really expensive house we are in. This would make it so that I could afford to work part-time and would never have had extra people living here in the future. Instead I have to just think to myself that it is nice to have the rent money from Alex's sister so that we can send Tony to a good preschool and that if we follow our quicken debt plan and if they hire someone else at work then I may be able to work less in the future. Sigh.
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