Back to Ukraine

Katya posted this note on her door last night. For those of you who need a translation, I believe it says either:

I want to go back to the Ukraine now. I am not liked here.

or

I want to go back to the Ukraine now. I don't like it here.

I actually find this note very humorous. I know I shouldn't and Katya was mad when she saw that I took a picture but what can I say - it's funny! I think in a couple of years she will find it hilarious too :)

The note was in response to my getting mad when she was uncooperative with her homework last night. I will admit that I over-reacted because my patience was about half of what it normally is due to my being upset about something else so I really shouldn't have thrown the book on the floor and told her to go to her room when she refused to read. It was definately not one of my shining moments as a parent - one of many moments that I wish I could have a "do-over". I did go and apologize for getting upset later, followed by a lecture about how nobody can force Katya to learn and that she knows how far behind her peers she is and she has to be the one to decide that she wants to try and catch up. Blah, blah, blah!

I'm beginning to think that I am going about this parenting thing all wrong. I was trying to remember today why it was that I decided that being a parent was something that I needed to do in this world - why I thought it would "complete" my existence. Why would I want to give up the days when I could go and do as I pleased for making dinner and fighting kids about homework? I think I need to renew my pursuit for the meaning of happiness. When I was in high school, I remember thinking that if I could just get out of high school then I would be happy. Then, when I was in college, I kept thinking that if I could just finish college then I would be happy. And now...if I could just ____ then I would be happy. I honestly don't know what to fill in the blank with. It seems the problem I have had my whole life is that I am always living for the future and never living in the present. Somehow I need to stop thinking so much about mortgages, whether my daughter reads on grade level and hates math, about whether my son is getting enough protein and drinking enough milk. The problem is, if I don't think about it, who will? Doesn't somebody need to? Isn't that what you are supposed to do in life? Worry about the future?

I am throwing this question out to the universe...what is happiness?