Ukraine kids

It is crazy to think that it has been almost a year since we first met Katya. We went to the airport on Saturday to see the next group of kids come from the orphanage and it was surreal to watch the host families nervously waiting for their "child" and to see the mayhem that took place with getting the kids matched up with the people that will be their family for the next couple of weeks (and hopefully for forever).

I remember the airport last year - me with my pregnant belly, Alex, my parents, Alex's parents, Allie, my brother Josh, my brother Jeff and Audra and their kids - holding the signs that Allie had helped Alex and I decorate that said "Welcome Katya and Sasha" in Russian and wearing Halloween name tags with our names spelled out phonetically in Russian. We stood with our eyes peeled on the top of the escalator, anxiously waiting to catch that first glimpse of the kids. "What is taking them so long?", I remember thinking. I was sure that I would recognize them, that there would be this moment when I would look at them and they would look at me and they would be so happy to see me. But I honestly didn't recognize them. I had looked at their pictures so many times, but I wasn't sure which ones they were. I had to just stand there and wait - wait for our names to be called and escorted towards the little girl in the pink coat and short hair with the blue balloon and the little boy in the red coat with the yellow balloon. They looked different than their picture, I remember thinking. They don't seem excited, which worried me. What do I say to them? They didn't seem too impressed with our name tags and when I pointed out my name to Katya she glanced at it with a disinterested look. The kids were tired, of course, and watching the kids on Sunday as they posed for pictures that seemed like they would never end, I think back on how long our journey was from the Ukraine back home and I feel sorry that we didn't just take them home and put them to bed.

I am a bit envious of the excitement that the families had because it makes me remember my excitement but it also makes me realize that it doesn't last forever. This dream that we have of bringing a new child into our family isn't always a dream - reality hits and you see that these are just kids. Kids like any other kids who don't wake up every morning and thank you for giving them the opportunity to have a family. Sometimes they hurt your feelings and sometimes they make you weary - wondering if life will ever settle into normalcy where you don't have to wonder if the next minute they are going to storm off in a huff. Maybe it is just my naivity and lack of parenting experience that makes me think this isn't normal.

One of the little boys that came from Katya's orphanage is a little boy named Vlad. I realized when I saw him that he was the main reason that I wanted to come to the airport. If we had wanted to adopt another child while we were over there, he would have been it. He is such a cute boy - always has a smile - and never tires of having "thumby wars" or singing "A Sailor by the Sea, Sea, Sea". I think I had a dream about him the other night because I woke up thinking about him. I sure hope that his host family falls in love with him. People ask me all the time if I am glad that we did it. I never hestitate to say yes because I truly am glad. I can't imagine our family without Katya. When they ask if we want to do it again I definatively answer no. However, if we had an extra $30K laying around and Vlad had no place to go, I might change my answer...

I cried when I wrote this post, remembering Sasha. I feel guilty because we left him there. We were horrible at writing and I am sure that he thinks we just abandoned him. I try to make myself feel better by thinking about the Arnold's and the Keller's experience and that if they couldn't get their kids out of that orphanage that we had no hope either. But in some ways that is just a "cop out" because we didn't even try.