Meeting Katya

And Alex again…

Thursday, June 11th

They told us to be ready to go to see Katya at 8:45 am. However, we got picked up a little late – more like 9:35 am. We got to the orphanage and were led into the director’s office but the director was not there. Instead, Oksana, a lady named Anna, who is the court attorney, and another lady with red hair were there. We waited for Katya. I was nervous at this point because I was worried she would come in and just wave at us or just say hi and not show any real emotion. It’s odd how not getting a huge hug and kiss can be your worst fear. She came in wearing mismatched clothes: A denim hat, a purple top with flowers, and a black skirt with flowers that did not match the top. But regardless of the outfit she looked so beautiful. We were seated with Ann’s mother closest to the door, Allie, Ann with Tony, then me. So when she first walked through the door, she saw us in that order. She saw Ann and she started to come towards us with open arms but as soon as she finally saw me, she started to come quicker right at me. She gave me a huge hug and kisses. I was so relieved. She gave everybody big hugs. Ann had tears in her eyes.

She quickly went onto the business of writing the paper stating she wished to be adopted. She then took us on a tour of the orphanage. She showed us some drawings she had made for us and had a post card from a family that has hosted her in Italy. The postcard actually turned out to be for us. It said how she is an amazing girl and that they were happy we were giving her a permanent home. It was nice to see that other people had been touched by her and continued to be part of her life too. During the tour we did see Masha but did not get a chance to take a picture. She smiled and wave at us; I am sad that she is not coming home with the Bensons this time around. We enjoyed meeting her in October and she seemed to be very good friends with our Katya. During the tour Katya reached out to carry Tony. I saw the fear in Ann’s eyes and I was scared too. We did not know what interactions she has had with a small child and were very nervous. She walked with him and when I first came to some old concrete stairs that were falling apart my initial reaction was to take Tony back but then I thought if anybody is a pro at walking up stairs this damaged it would be Katya. She has to walk up them everyday. I have to say she did very well and will be a great older sister for Tony. At this point I started to lose interest in the tour because my sleep deprivation started to catch up with me. I literally started to fall asleep each time I sat down. They took us to two of the museums in the orphanage and I mostly slept through them. We then went outside where we were told we needed to go to the notary so they took Allie, Tony, and my mother in law back to the apartment where we would meet up with them later. Katya made sure to give everybody hugs and kisses goodbye.

While heading to the notary we got word that we may need to go see Katya’s half brother today because his orphanage is going to summer camp the tomorrow. The original plan was to go there tomorrow because it is a three hour drive each way. We still didn’t know what would be happening so we went to a place called the Potato House to have lunch while we waited for the notary to prepare our documents and to find out about going to see Katya’s brother. The food there was really good. We had a pizza, which was obviously different that what we have at home, but tasted great with its unique flavors. We were told upstairs they had Mexican/Ukrainian style food. I am looking forward to trying their interpretation of Mexican food. We then headed back to the notary to sign our documents. As we were leaving we were told we are going to see Katya’s brother today and that we only have time to go back to the apartment to get some clothing and then leave.

This is where the choice to only get a few groceries early in day came into play. We do not have time to get any now and the rest of our party will be stuck in the apartment without much food. Tony will be fine because we brought him enough formula for six weeks but we don’t have a lot for Allie and Joann. We did bring them back a pizza from the potato house so they had that and hopefully they can make do with the few other things they have. Ann figured we would be back in the morning and they should be fine with what they have till then. We quickly packed our stuff, explain what is happening, and we were off. This whole time I have been sleepwalking so I am actually looking forward to a three hour drive so I can sleep. Oleg makes it even better by slightly reclining the back seat of his car.

Three hours later I woke up at our destination. We went into the building that Ann talked about with the disgusting bathroom. We were told that this is a social worker that must go with us to the orphanage. We then headed to the orphanage. I think I’ll be more vague with this part. Understand that being here I want to help every orphan in this country and the world for that matter. I understand why Vern and Nanette do the host program. Since they can’t help every child it’s their way of find a home for every one of them. We came to Katya’s brother’s orphanage to get a document from him stating that it is OK with him that we adopt his sister and not with the intention of adopting him. This is hard for us because we would love to keep them together and help another child in need. Along with that his director said he is a good boy kind, gentle, and shy. Despite all this, when considering bringing additional children into my home I have to consider keeping the emotional health of my current household. Its not that I don’t have room in my home or heart for him – it’s that he is already 15 and will be a legal adult in less than three years. Ann and I are mature and responsible enough to care for Katya - despite people saying we are young - but when it comes to a 15 year old I have to agree with them that we are too young. I know that if I adopted him that the many fears I have of caring for a young adult have a very slim chance of coming true but the fact that if even one of them did happen that it would have a hugely negative affect on our household. Despite my willingness to help I have to make this decision for my family. We do plan to help him and Katya stay in touch and hopefully at some point help them reunite. I know other families have had to deal with this too but chose not to blog about it and I can understand why other people omit this part of their trip. I myself could have gone into more detail but I was obviously vague because this is so difficult to do. I think of this as the ugly part of our trip but felt it cannot be ignored or denied. It was a hard decision we had to make and we made it to the best of our ability. As we were leaving we learned that before we came the director was set on changing our minds about adopting Katya’s brother but that after seeing us and how young we look she also felt that splitting them would be the best choice and so she supported us in doing so. I think I have said enough about this part and will move on now.
After leaving this orphanage we went to a hotel and we were told that tomorrow we have to go to another city (I can’t remember the name) to take the paper that Katya’s brother wrote. We were not going to be back in Dnipro until around 4 or 5 tomorrow. This was a huge concern for us because once again we left the rest of our party in the apartment without much food. Oxana said she would call a friend in Dnipro that could go pick up and deliver groceries to them. That was a huge relief for me. With that we calmly went to sleep.